Some people wait until marriage, while others follow a three-day rule or use sex as an icebreaker. In any case, having sex with someone new is always unforgettable.
The first sex is a moment of clarity; it either helps to build a stronger relationship or makes you want to end it as soon as possible. However, no matter how sexually compatible you and your partner are, you still need to put effort into it. Multiple studies prove that sex life becomes monotonous in a long-term relationship.
Having sex with someone you see every single day is not the same as a one-night stand with a mysterious stranger you meet at the concert (just for the record).
You might keep saying how much you love your spouse and having a stable relationship, but you still need some novelty from time to time. We all seek new feelings and emotions in life because the human brain is always hungry for dopamine. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth: I want to try something new in bed.
The problem appears when you and your partner start staring at each other across a gulf of mutual incomprehension.
What to do if the loved one feels comfortable with the sex you have and doesn’t want to change anything? How to convince your partner to try something unusual without hurting their feelings?
There are a couple of ways you can persuade your partner to try new things in the bedroom. Here is how you can begin your journey:
Start the Conversation
No matter what you want to try – a new position, dangerous place, or even BDSM for beginners, according to the experts from The Adult Toy Shop, it’s important to make sure your partner has healthy self-esteem. Some people will not even want to hear about changes because they take such conversations way too seriously. People with unstable self-esteem will not appreciate your honesty but will think that they are not good enough.
So, if you don’t want your partner to have obsessive thoughts: ‘So, I’m not good enough anymore,’ ‘My partner is not happy with me anymore,’ ‘I’m not loved,’ ‘They will leave me’, make your point very clear from the beginning.
Tell them that you see that your relationship is going quite well, and all you want to do is have some fun together. Your partner should feel secure while experimenting with you.
Don’t Get Irritated or Disappointed
Strong and long-lasting relationships require constant work and effort. If you work hard enough to make your loved one feel comfortable and confident with you, sooner or later, they will be willing to try new things in sex.
It’s important to mention that quite often, the unwillingness to experiment in sex comes from much deeper psychological reasons that people are usually not aware of.
If your partner grew up in a more conservative environment, it might be very difficult to convince them to explore their sexual fantasies without shame.
Never assume that things that are normal for you are also normal for others. Maybe, the new thing you want to try is a taboo topic for your partner. If that’s the case, you need to start with small but concrete steps in order to come to one big goal.
In addition, you cannot expect your partner to do everything you want in bed. Your significant other should also feel heard. Before you start telling them about your sexual fantasies, ask them what they dream about. Maybe, there are things they would change or improve, but are too shy to talk about?
The only challenge here is to find the right time to bring up this topic. Obviously, you will not discuss it openly over lunch with your kids. To make your partner feel more sexually confident, consider complimenting them after sexual intercourse, and then ask them to describe their sexual fantasies.
In order to make your partner feel comfortable with trying new things in bed, you have to eliminate any discomfort between both of you when it comes to sex. You should understand that sex is the part of life that only two of you share. Opening up to each other should be natural in your relationship.
The tone and manner in which you convey your fantasies also matter. If you start your sentences with ‘Why do you never…’, ‘Can’t you just…’, ‘My ex did this..’ then don’t expect your partner to agree to try the things you want. Your loved one should feel that you’re revealing the most intimate and private desire you have.
They should know how important they are to you if you decided to share your sexual dreams with them. If your offer to try something new in sex doesn’t sound like a complaint but a private detail you share with one person only, the chances to fulfill it are much higher.
If your loved one doesn’t understand your sexual fantasies, let it go. You don’t have the right to force anyone to do something they don’t want to. You can try to explain your point once again, but don’t expect your loved one to agree. Also, don’t try to manipulate them or get revenge. Who knows, maybe if you don’t force some things, they will happen naturally later on?
The Bottom Line
Trying new things in bed can even improve your relationship. To strengthen your sexual connection, you need to have an honest conversation firstly. Your partner can’t read your mind, so don’t think that things will improve by magic.
The new experience in the bedroom will help you to discover each other, show mutual trust and respect.
All you need to do is to learn how to share your fantasies in a way that will not offend the person you have sex with. Be patient and open up to the person you love, and your sex life will bring you new emotions all over again.