We all have that one friend who is liked by everyone. For him, it takes only 0.2345 seconds to make someone laugh and to make a connection with a stranger, while you struggle to say a single word to a person that you would like to know.
This ability to be the most likable person in the room is called “charisma”. And it’s not necessarily something that you have to be born with. It’s a skill that you or everybody can learn. And just like a muscle, if you exercise it you can get better and better in it. I’m not saying that it will be easy or comfortable, because you will get through a lot of cringe moments, but in the end, you can be that one person whom everybody wishes to be friends with.
Let’s see what you will need exactly to be a charismatic person.
Step 1: Make a great first impression
Maybe this is the hardest one. It depends a lot on what the other person’s first impression of you is. It’s not impossible to change a person’s first impression about you, but it will definitely give a boost to your conversation if the other person has a positive first impression about you. First impressions are based on a lot of things, like your body language, your clothing, your voice, your smell, the curry sauce on your shirt, etc. Some of these are out of your control, but they can have a huge impact on the other person’s first impression.
After you introduce yourself, it’s time to know the other person. Start with some simple questions about their job, studies, hobbies, and then you will have a clearer view of their personality. If there is anything that they say that you don’t understand, feel free to ask them. Maybe you will find out some things about the other person that really impresses you. After that, the other person will be more lovely and remarkable. If that’s the case, make sure to show them your interest
Step 2: Be interesting
Now it’s your turn to be more interesting. It’s very important not to be fake, just be yourself. If they ask about your hobbies, tell them what you are good at. If they don’t ask, you don’t have to wait for permission, just tell them about yourself. But not too much.
If you don’t have anything to say then you should definitely find a new hobby. A great example would be to learn a casino game. When you imagine a poker player you always imagine a cool, cold bloated, elegant dude. And they will think the same about you. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be the only poker, you can try anything from blackjack, roulette, slots, on online casinos like Admiral Casino. If you haven’t played anything like that before, you can start by playing in an online casino. After you get the taste of it, you can start playing it in real life. These kinds of games train your ability to know a person better by their actions. Also, just think about James Bond (Daniel Craig), or Danny Ocean (George Clooney) who are some absolute alpha males, you can’t imagine them without some serious poker skills. Nonetheless, if your talking partner told you that he or she hasn’t played yet, make sure to invite them to a poker party or a game night, and you already have your second date with the other person.
Whatever would be your hobby or interest, make sure to talk about that. A person can become way more interesting after the other person finds out his passion and his talent. Just make sure that first, you find out the other person’s passion. This way it won’t seem like you’re just showing off, which can also be very disgusting.
Step 3: Be Honest and open up
When you reach all these points, you can open up a bit. I’m talking about things like what you ate for breakfast or what are your biggest fears. But you can easily tell them about your flaws like how bad a singer or dancer you are. And you will be surprised how much “omg, me too” you will get, and BAMMM, you have a connection with the other person or persons if you’re in a group. Thin step not only makes a connection between you two but most likely it will make everyone who is present laugh. Especially if you’re a great storyteller, another skill that can be learned. Everything is about using the correct voice tone and to be enthusiastic and as representative as possible (using different postures, imaginary tools, etc.)
Make sure not to make this as your first step, it will be a bad impression to go to somebody and say to them “hey, I slept with my teddy bear till I was 18 years old”. Don’t be that person. This step needs a bit of warm-up.
Also, you can make some nice jokes in this stage, just make sure your teasing or sarcastic jokes are properly done. Otherwise, you will become a douchebag in others’ points of view. So make sure you’re always staying within the line. Never attack someone’s identity, and don’t tease something unchangeable for them.
Step 4: Watch and do it yourself
Now that you know the theory, you are ready to do the practice. But before that, you can still learn one thing or two from other charismatic persons. A great way to observe them is to watch late-night show hosts. They are some great people with a great sense of humor and they have to make themselves likable only in a few minutes. You can learn some basic “moves” or jokes from them. Watch them and the guest how they are implementing all these steps into their interview and you will have an idea of how an ideal conversation should look like.
If I should conclude all of these steps in one single sentence it would be the following: “Be the person you would like to hang out.” Be positive and funny as possible, and yeah, maybe not everyone will like your taste, but that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or that you’re not likable. If a person or a group person sends you a signal that they don’t like you just move on and try to get to know the next person, don’t let that event be wasted.