Love feels superb and exciting at the beginning of a relationship.
This excitement and happiness can overpower everything. As couples get to know each other deeply, things can change. Some drift apart while others settle into close and comfortable relationships. There are many reasons why couples break up, and drifting apart is one of them. People become busy with their careers, hobbies, and interests and may lose that connection that first drew them to their partner. Changes in feeling is another. Perhaps some change occurs in either our partner or us, and we find that we no longer feel the same way about them.
At the same time, most people have gone through at least one break up in their life. It’s not an easy process. It can be uncomfortable and painful- even when you know it’s for the best. When you have been with a person for an extended period of time, you may try to talk yourself into sticking with it to spare hurt feelings. It is even more complicated when you have already moved in with them.
Are you living with someone and need to break up with them? Keep reading below for tips on how to do it right:
1. Be 100% sure that you want to break up
Problems and issues in relationships are sometimes more profound than they look on the surface. miinglemag.com suggests to dig more in-depth on the root causes of some of the arguments you are recently having, and you may be surprised that there is an underlying issue that needs addressing.
Are you insecure about yourself? Is your partner moving too fast? Are you at different stages of life? Have you noticed changes in yourself or your partner that have not been addressed? If there is an issue, it’s best to evaluate the situation and find out if there is something more significant- this may help you find a solution without ending the relationship. Some couples can salvage their relationship with counseling, so this could be an option to see if the relationship can be saved.
2. Be open
Have an open and honest conversation about your deal-breakers and priorities. Compatibility is more than just two people getting along. It means having shared opinions or compromises about necessary and critical future decisions such as where you will live or how to raise children. Having a sit down with your significant other can be intimidating; however, it’s important to discuss your likes, dislikes, and what you don’t want from life. Doing this early in the relationship will help you avoid potential heartbreak. If you are already deep in a relationship, having a frank discussion about your worries can bring to light issues that your partner is unaware of, or allow them to vent concerns of their own. Having this open discussion could help to resolve the problems with your partner or let you both see that the relationship is not working.
3. Once you make up your mind, stick with the decision!
If you decide to break up with them, stick with the decision. Be firm, and don’t push your partner to think there is the hope of you two getting back together when there is none. If you are living together, set a deadline for one of you to move out. If you feel comfortable, give your partner a choice to make it a more straightforward process. But do not try to stick it out over a lease, as it will only make it more difficult for you both to move on.
4. Accept that it will become uncomfortable
Breaking up with someone you care deeply about sucks! Nothing you read online will give you a magical solution. Be mentally prepared that it will get uncomfortable. Many people today fear an awkward situation with their partners. However, it’s essential to keep in mind that the temporary discomfort you feel at that moment is better than continuously leading your partner on a goose chase. Be mindful of your partner’s emotions and feelings, but do not allow yourself to be guilt-tripped into staying with them.
5. Break up with your partner in person
Don’t send a breakup email or message. Be respectful and mindful of their feelings. Approach them in person and honestly talk about the relationship. Take them out for lunch or a nice dinner- the point is to be in a comfortable environment. Unlike what you see in movies or television, most people will avoid making a scene in public over a breakup. And if you feel that it would help to ease the discomfort, you can offer to pay for their meal as a peace offering; but do not feel obligated to do so.
6. Answer all questions they may be having
When breaking up with your significant other, chances are they will have so many questions. Be prepared to give them honest answers. If you don’t give them adequate answers, they will feel hurt, confused, and maybe even angry. Letting them understand your thought process will ease the tension, thus leading to a more amicable split. If it helps, go over a list of your reasons beforehand to make sure you know what you want to say and to be prepared for questions they may have.
7. After the split, give them space
When it comes to keeping in touch, you must respect their boundaries. The hardest thing after splitting up can be transitioning from being best friends to perfect strangers. As odd as it might seem, you have no obligation to check on them or reach out to them after the breakup. Everyone needs some space to process the breakup and heal. If your ex asks for some space and time, respect their wishes. The best thing to do, if you want to maintain any relationship with your ex-, is to let them reach out to you first. You may be friends in the future, but for now, focus on your healing too.
8. Rely on friends and loved ones
Once you break up, you will find yourself with more time to do other things. If you have too much free time, you may be tempted to contact your ex-, which you do not want to do. Try to reconnect with your family and loved ones. Take up a new hobby or take a new class- healthy distractions are what you need. Be vulnerable, have a conversation with someone you love, let them be there to support you. Breakups are not easy, even if you are the one who initiated it. Self-care needs to be your number one priority as you work to move on.