Pictures: Getty Images
Pictures: Getty Images

Opinion 

13 things to blame on women

Because your fuck-up is probably her fault 

Added on

By Marisa Bate on

1 . The gender pay gap

In the light of the BBC revealing a huge gender, race and class pay gap, Sir Philip Hampton, the co-chair of a government-commissioned review into increasing the number of women in senior business roles, suggested that the female presenters must have “let it happen because they weren’t doing much about it”. A recent study from Bath University also suggested that the reason behind the gender pay gap was “women’s pessimism”. And we all know how *useless* women are at negotiating – apparently. So, yes, it’s our fault we are paid less.

2. Climate change

A new study has said women should have fewer children to lessen the impact on the environment. So after centuries of being cajoled into procreation, we’re now responsible for the death of the planet. But never mind, being a childless woman in this society is a total breeze – just ask Angela Merkel or Theresa May.

In this infuriating web of fuckery, society punishes women for having the babies that society insists is women’s chief purpose on this planet, the very same planet women are now responsible for killing

3. Rape

19-year-old Evelyn Beatriz Hernandez Cruz was sentenced to 30 years in prison after she took abortion pills and gave birth to a stillborn baby. She had been raped. In the UK, research from the Fawcett Society published earlier this year found that 38 per cent of men and and 34 per cent of women think women are partly to blame if they are sexually assaulted on a night out. Judge Lindsey Kushner QC, a British judge, came under fire recently for suggesting in a sentencing that girls who are drunk are more susceptible to being raped.

4. Anything a woman’s son has ever done

In the new series of Last Chance U, the startlingly brilliant Netflix documentary, we learn how the new star quarterback had previously punched a woman in the face in a bar. The assault was captured on CCTV, the footage went viral and the player he was dropped from his team. Subsequently, he and his mother went on ABC News to explain his actions. When Chris Brown confessed to attacking Rihanna, Brown went on Larry King with his mother. Why do we look to women to explain a man’s actions?

5. Being single

She works too much, drinks too much, swears too much. She doesn’t wear enough make-up, has too many opinions, is too selfish and is too immature. She doesn’t take care of herself, she’s too loud and far too angry.

6. Anything a woman’s husband has ever done

See: Hillary Rodham Clinton

7. Being trapped in an abusive relationship?

Why doesn’t she just leave? Why did she stay? Why does she say she still loves him? Because she’s endured years of systematic psychological terror, been told she’s the root of his anger and she’s statistically at the greatest risk of murder if she tries to leave.

8. The phenomenon of time

Urrggh! Look at how your body sags and your face is lined with wrinkles. Look at how your face and body reflect the passing of time. How dare you! How disgusting!

9. Hot offices

Apparently women feel the cold more and therefore don’t like the extreme aircon of many modern workplaces. Consequently, men across the UK are facing the daily trauma of a warm-cool office.

10. Commercial exploitation

Who do you think is to blame in the following situation: the woman who buys the jade egg to shove up her vagina because Gwynnie told her to, or a society and a media that tells women that there is a Perfect Woman (blonde, tanned, thin, great teeth), and the only way to be valued/respected/successful is to imitate said Perfect Woman, even if this involves shoving jade eggs up your vagina. Purchasers of jade eggs aren’t complete morons; they’re doing what the Perfect Woman does, which is precisely what they’ve be told to do their entire lives.

11. Internet trolls

“Just block them!” “Just come off Twitter!” “Don’t engage!” “Don’t feed the trolls!” or, in other words, don’t have a voice or an opinion, don’t exercise your right to articulate your world views like everyone else does. Stay silent and they’ll leave you alone, otherwise you’re only making it worse.

12. Biology

If there is a God, it’s definitely a Him. Why else would women get lumbered with periods and pregnancy? And the physical pain is just the beginning: the Equality and Human Rights Commission has suggested that up to 54,000 women in the UK are pushed out of work each year because of maternity and pregnancy discrimination. So in this infuriating web of fuckery, society punishes women for having the babies that society insists is women’s chief purpose on this planet, the very same planet women are now responsible for killing.

13. And every other fuck up men won’t take responsibility for

Mothers, non-mothers, working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, married women, single women, old women, young women, immigrant women, black women, trans women, fat women, thin women, gay women, middle-aged women, women, women, women, are blamed for things that are not only aren’t their fault but typically impact negatively on them.

So the next time you’ve got a feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach (that’s probably in the next 1-2 hours) remember that of course it’s your fault; everything is always our fault.

@marisajbate

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