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According to Goop, women should “plan” their orgasms

Photo: Rex 

Welcome to the Goop summit, which proved to be everything you may have hoped for – and more 

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By Hannah Banks-Walker on

What did you do last weekend? Is there any chance you were hanging out by a lettuce and artichoke photo backdrop, before lunching in a Collagen Garden, all the while grappling with profound questions such as “What makes water wet?” and “How do I unlock my cosmic glow?” No? Then you can’t have been at the first-ever Goop summit, In Goop Health, held in California on Saturday for an exhausting (I’m assuming) 12 hours. 

There were 600 attendees, who all paid between $500 and $1,500 for the pleasure of hearing Gwyneth and her chosen speakers bring some of Goop’s, er, “best content” to life. “I had my aura photographed,” said Tory Burch, just one of Paltrow’s famous friends at the summit. “It was tangerine.” Of course it was. 

Clearly, that's where we've all been going wrong – we're not asking for orgasms

Among the crystal readings, Moon Dust drinks, on-stage facelifts, leech facials and IV drips in the car park (yes, really), one panel talk stood out as being particularly bonkers. “The Three Way” featured Girls writer and producer Jenni Konner (“I’m very Goopy. I don’t mean to brag, but I am”), Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art And Craft Of The Female Orgasm, and relationship psychotherapist Esther Perel.

In this talk, Perel told the audience that women should, essentially, approach an orgasm as "created enterprise" and that – reading between all the Goop mumbo jumbo – it was all about planning for it. “In a relationship, the first thing to understand is that some of sex is a created enterprise,” said Perel. “It’s premeditated, intentional and it demands focus, attention, naming of desire and owning of the wanting – not the notion that it’s just going to happen. Nobody goes back to the first week of sex, but you need to know how to resuscitate it and re-engage.” Erm, OK. Clearly, that's where we've all been going wrong – we're not asking for orgasms. 

Thankfully, Konner helped bring the conversation back down to earth somewhat, telling the audience: “I think about [sex] like: look, I don’t always want to go to the gym, but I feel much better once I’ve gone.”

To be fair to Goop (yes, I did just write that), the crux of “The Three Way” talk focused on “orgasm equality”, essentially highlighting the fact that a woman’s sexuality is just as important as any man’s. And, as Konner concluded: “What’s wrong with any of that? Women find power in asking questions. Anything that puts a woman in control of her body is valuable.” 

Unfortunately, any talk of female empowerment – in relation to their orgasms or otherwise – was eclipsed by some of the convention's other advice such as “embrace feeling hungry” and the advocation of frog venom, to be applied through "self-imposed burns" on the skin, as an antibiotic.

For anyone on the East Coast (or elsewhere) who missed out on Goop's day of fun, a second summit is scheduled to take place in January in New York. We can't wait. 

@hlbw 

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Photo: Rex 
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Gwyneth Paltrow
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