First of all, I’d like to thank you for your weekly podcast, which I love listening to.
I don’t know if I’m experiencing a delayed mid-life crisis or just a middle-aged malaise, but I'm so discontented with my life, my job and mainly with my husband.
He’s a good, decent man, but I find him irritating beyond measure. He’s a lovely dad (our daughter is a teenager), loves his parents, turns up for work every day, cooks, mows the lawn... I just don’t get on with him, I find him extremely boring and don’t fancy him in the slightest (although objectively, he is quite attractive). When I’m not working, I spend my days imagining how my life would have been if I’d married an ex, or how happy I could be in the future with someone else.
It doesn’t help that he invested money in a business several years ago and we lost rather a lot – a life-changing amount, actually. Sometimes I feel I hate him, sometimes I feel I can tolerate him, rarely do we connect over anything.
We have a nice house and a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, although I keep imagining how much better it would be if it hadn’t been for the business. I can’t seem to stop dwelling on the past and feel unhappy and lonely in our relationship. We don’t have mutual friends, but I have a lovely, supportive network, although I don’t feel able to confide all this to them. He doesn’t have any friends, as he’s lost touch with them.
Financially, we can’t really afford to divorce and I think that’s the only thing that’s keeping us together. In addition, I’m now 50 and feel that it’s too late to leave, as I don’t want to be on my own, but have little hope of meeting someone else.
I’ve suffered a few setbacks in work, too, recently, and am feeling rather useless, so that hasn’t helped. I have a history of depression, but have managed that really well over the last 10 years.
Do you know, I’m reading this and thinking, "Count your blessings, you sound like a self-indulgent, self-absorbed, immature old girl!"
There probably isn’t anything you can do to help, but setting it all down on paper seems to have been cathartic, so thank you.
Got a question for Viv? Email her at DearViv@thepoolltd.com. The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally.