Dear Viv: I've never had a group of friends

On this week's podcast, Viv discusses what to do when it seems impossible to meet people and make friends

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By Viv Groskop on

Dear Viv,

I started listening to your podcast this year and I find your advice really inspiring. I never thought I’d need it myself but you talk with such conviction I thought you might be able to help. I’ve recently moved to a new city where I don’t know anyone at all. I’m single (always have been, give or take a few odd things here and there), and have never really had a "group", so to speak.

There is nothing wrong with my self-esteem, I’m 25, confident, happy with the way I look and can hold a conversation with almost anyone. The reason for moving was simple, I thought I’d find the answers or solutions to my problems somewhere else. I’d been living at home throughout uni and I never managed to make any friends, though I don’t believe those two facts are related. Taking the step to move was a brave one, but I was adamant it would improve my situation.

I’m studying for masters, which will be extremely helpful when I eventually get on the career ladder at the end of the course, however I’m not sure I’m cut out for the lonely lifestyle it seems to have brought. I miss home, but I had no friends there. I’ve tried chatting to people on the course, only it’s difficult because it’s all different people in each class, and I’m only in for a few hours a week. I’ve applied for lots of jobs and I know that will massively improve my situation if it turns out good, but how can I feel like this wasn’t a bad idea?

How can I feel like I’ve done the right thing? I want to experience life as a “normal” 25-year-old, going out on weekends and just generally socialising. It’s something I have never experienced but crave so much. I live alone and am waiting for prospective tenants to move in. I suppose I’m going into not-so-relevant details now, but is there any advice you can offer to allow me to meet people? Please help.

Struggling student

Got a question for Viv? Email her at The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally. 

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