Dear Viv: My friend's pregnancy is making me question my termination

On this week's podcast, Viv discusses what to do when your friend's pregnancy gives you conflicting feelings

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By Viv Groskop on

Dear Viv,

Exactly a month ago my boyfriend (of 2 years) and I drove to our local abortion clinic and had a medical abortion. The experience was traumatic, much worse than any nurse or doctor told me. It was a decision that took a week to decide. My boyfriend and I are off travelling in September and although we could’ve easily kept the baby, we still knew we had much more to experience together, before children became the forefront of our relationship.

Once the pain was over I knew it was the right thing to do. I had control of my body again, I felt like me. Of course I’ve had down moments, “what could have been?” is a question that sometimes creeps up on me, but there have been many more ups.

Now my best friend of 10 years has fallen pregnant and when she first told me I cannot explain how happy I was for her. Yet now, as the days go on I keep feeling more sad and angry. That “what could have been?” question is becoming more apparent and I can’t help but feel I made the wrong decision. I never realised how hard it would be or how upset I would feel when one of my best friends would get pregnant. Am I normal for feeling this way? Will it pass?

I want to be there for my friend so much, but any time she brings up anything ‘baby’ I cry. I think that could’ve been me, we could’ve experienced this together. Or I get angry, how could she not realise this is upsetting me?

I’m a whirlwind of emotions and just need some advice. If you do choose to pick this letter please could I be kept anonymous (I know you probably do anyway).

Thank you for reading.

Got a question for Viv? Email her at The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally. 

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