What do you keep on or in your bedside table? Books you mean to read? Sex-related stuff? And your ever-glowing iPhone? Right?
Well, according to Nigella Lawson, you should add “condiments” to that list as salt, soy sauce and mustard are bedroom essentials for the woman who likes to make the most of her weekends. Speaking at an event in Australia, Nigella, who seems to work almost constantly, either popping up on our TV screens or travelling the world to promote her various books, admits that she is, deep-down, a lazy person.
“I have a theory about life,” she espouses, “which is that the people who work the hardest are naturally the laziest, because we know that unless we really drove ourselves, we would be very happy lying in bed, reading novels, drinking tea, eating toast, the odd bowl of spaghetti, maybe even a roast chicken … I feel that I have two speeds, which is full pelt or almost comatose. I am never moderate.”
Dirty bedlinen can be lived with, unsalted food is worse
When asked to elaborate on the eating in bed, Nigella admits that she does it quite a lot, “especially at the weekends”, before outlining a Utopian vision of super-soft sheets and perfectly salted snacks.
“Occasionally I do sit at a table and I feel immensely pleased with myself, and then more often than not, I just drag my food back to my cave.… So by the side of my bed, I have learnt to keep a little collection of condiments.”
When the collected audience erupts in laughter at the vision of a jar of mustard nestled among the paperbacks and alarm clocks, Nigella counters firmly: “It’s not meant to be funny! It’s very helpful.”
She then lists the condiments necessary for a perfect eating-in-bed scenario. “English mustard. Maldon salt. I have Tabasco, although I don’t always know whether Tabasco is the right sauce. And I have a thicker chilli, hot sauce. And soy sauce. One of my great luxuries is that I like very expensive and gorgeous bedlinen, and I ruin it by dolloping soy sauce all over it.”
The interviewer suggests that salt could pose a problem too, leaving a crunchy trail in the bedclothes, but Nigella shuts her down with a line of pure truth, saying, “That can be lived with, unsalted food is worse.”
Nigella reflects gloriously on condiments at around the 5.30 mark in the video below.