Last Saturday, Melania Trump uploaded some photos of her and President Trump on their visit to a Pearl Harbor memorial service to her Instagram. As far as the Trump’s social-media presence goes, this post is relatively inoffensive – it’s of the back of their heads, so it spares us the misfortune of having to look directly at Donald’s face for one blissful moment.
Everything looks as it’s supposed to – the ambient, yellowy lighting; the naval officer behind them in his crisp white uniform; the wreath perfectly centred above their clasped hands.
But, wait a second – as Jezebel pointed out – are their hands actually clasped?
Let’s look a little bit closer, shall we?
Melania’s hand is clenched, her perfectly manicured fingers curled into a fist, her enormous engagement ring clearly visible, while his tiny infantile hand is – presumably – placed on top of hers. It’s as if they’re in the final throes of a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Because the internet is both a majestic and terrifying place, there are two other photos in her post. It’s the final one that I’m truly obsessed with:
It’s obviously been composed to look like a romantic shot that wouldn’t look out of place on the front cover of the next Nicholas Sparks film: a rich couple staring out at the water from the stern of their mega yacht; an American flag slightly blurred behind them; the light hitting the back of the woman’s head and making her hair appear golden in a perfect symbol of their charmed lives. But, even in this “romantic” shot, they’re not touching. At all. Sure, he’s leaning back, as if she might be about to whisper sweet nothings into his ear at any moment, but she’s sitting bolt upright, as if she’s ready to push him overboard at a moment's notice.
Of course, this isn’t the first time that we’ve asked ourselves whether the First Lady is actually comfortable being affectionate with her husband. There was this incident in Israel, back in May, when Melania swatted away her odorous husband’s tiny foetus hand when she was walking behind him:
And then this one in Rome, two weeks later, when she smoothly avoided his outstretched hand by tucking a piece of hair behind her ear in the easy manner of someone who is used to avoiding their husband:
We get it, Melania – we wouldn’t want to go near him either.