In between the spring/summer and autumn/winter collections that the fashion world shows every year are the pre-collections, or Resort. Resort used to be employed as a euphemism for Clothes For Rich People Going On A Cruise, but henceforth it shall forever be associated with the nightmare that is Balenciaga’s bootcut jeans. In a truly disturbing turn of events (even for 2018), designer Demna Gvasalia decided that what the world really needs, as we hurtle into
the abyss 2019, is the return of men wearing bootcuts. What’s wrong with this, you might ask? Everything.
Look at these men. They look haunted, their expressions reeking of humiliation. As one tweet said in response to Balenciaga’s jeans: “Balenciaga resort jeans are the scariest thing I have seen since Hereditary.” I haven’t even seen Hereditary and I couldn’t agree more. My eyes cannot unsee the true injustice that is these jeans. When even the models look disturbed by the whole thing, it’s clear there’s a problem.
Some on Twitter (I know who you are) may be quick to cry: “This is reverse sexism! How dare you speak of women’s oppression while telling men what they can and can’t wear!” To those people I say: please take a hold of yourself and look at this photograph of George Clooney wearing jeans. If George Clooney can’t make them look good, what hope does the rest of humanity have?
Also, rumour has it that they’re Trump’s favourite denim style.
As for women everywhere, please feel free to wear bootcut jeans as and when you wish. Women should be free to wear whatever they choose, whenever they choose. For proof, please see below for some of my personal bootcut icons.
It's Britney, bitch
Lindsay "Ripped Bootcut" Lohan
She's still, she's still Jenny from the block
And if you’re still in any doubt as to whether or not men should be permitted (legally) to wear bootcut jeans, I present to you this photograph. Please do not look at it if you’re eating.