ADVICE

Dear Viv: How can I feel confident in my new single life?

On this week’s podcast, Viv discusses how to start afresh in the new year when you’re feeling lost and confused after a break-up

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By Viv Groskop on

Dear Viv,
 

Firstly, thank you for your break-up podcast. It helped a lot, but I’m still confused. I split up with my two-years-strong boyfriend about three weeks ago and I’m lost. It was my decision, with no drastic timeline of events other than both of us working away from home a lot, feeling like we were best friends more than anything else and me addressing the issue over text and not feeling supported for the week he was working away afterwards.

Prior to all this, I had realised I fancied a guy at work and tried to quell the feelings, but it got to the point where I was seeing this guy more than my boyfriend through work and social events and enjoying his company more. I acted stupidly when the break-up happened as my boyfriend was out of the country and work boy was a shoulder to cry on – literally, multiple times. I let myself get way too emotionally attached to my friend in the absence of being able to talk it through with my boyfriend. The day I actually finished with my boyfriend, my friend had invited me for drinks with his friends from home (a first) who turned out to be two couples. I don’t know whether it was to cheer me up as a friend or a sign of something else.

The night ended with me staying at his, I was drunk and lonely and using the fact I needed to couch surf as a reason to stay. He was fine with it, but it was awkward, of course. Since then, I’ve texted him to say thank you for his support over the period and that I would see him “when I was in a better place” but not heard much back since, compared to our previous relationship where we would text most days. My ex is still texting me daily and doesn’t know any of this, obviously.

I feel like the worst person in the world for getting so obsessed and finishing a relationship, but that wasn’t the only reason I ended it; more of a good indication of why I couldn’t stay in it anymore. How do I pick up the pieces after losing my best friend (my ex) and now what feels like another loss with things getting weird with this friend.

Just to really put the icing on the cake, this relationship ended the same week I left my job to go freelance, so although I have some excellent girlfriends I am definitely missing both of them in a scary new time and I’m plagued with guilt at what feels like extremely selfish behaviour. Help. How do I get back the confidence I had while in a relationship in my very new scary life?

Got a question for Viv? Email her at DearViv@thepoolltd.com. The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally. 

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