I recently have got married and relocated – not far, but far enough that I had to leave my old job. My husband and I didn't live together before and now we are in our first home together.
I feel very happy to be married, and love our new home and living where we live. However, I find that I am really really missing my old job, to the point where in the morning I am quietly crying while I sit on the platform waiting for the train.
I am a teacher and at my old job, I found my confidence after a really rough training year. I loved the school and felt really motivated to contribute to it because I really felt that they were doing amazing things and I loved being a part of it. There were negative things about it, and I know that, now I am away, I am brushing over those and looking back with rose-tinted glasses.
However, I have now moved to another school where they have put me in quite a high-up position. I am torn, because part of me wants the responsibility and, having come from somewhere that had a great way of doing things, I feel I have a lot to offer, but also don't want to be "that person" who is always banging on about where they used to be and how great it was. I try not to talk about that at work.
I left my job feeling confident in my abilities and within three weeks I feel lost, lonely, bad at my job and (stupidly) desperate to give up and do something easier. I suffer from anxiety and have seen a therapist about this before and I think this makes it very easy for me to believe instantly that I am terrible at everything and that everyone hates me and is watching me and thinking I am awful the second I get feedback that isn't positive.
I want to be better and more resilient. I am in my twenties, and don't want to be thought of as a "Snowflake" because I worked really hard at my old job, through stressful times and got good results and did good work.
I am trying my best to work hard and stay positive but I can't switch off my worries and anxieties about work. It makes me ill and I feel bad for my husband although he is wonderful and looks after me so well.
I wonder whether perhaps teaching isn't for me and I should leave, but that obviously creates a lot of uncertainty. My friend did it and never looked back would it be the same for me? Am I just being a coward?
I really need some advice on what to do next and I don't want to always be talking about the same things and worries to the people around me.
Got a question for Viv? Email her at DearViv@thepoolltd.com. The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally.