Dear Viv: I've fallen out with a friend, but want to keep our mutual friends

On this week’s podcast, Viv discusses what to do when a friend lets you down and you don’t know where to turn

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By Viv Groskop on

Dear Viv,

I recently had an almighty, irrevocable bust-up with a friend – I won’t go into details, but she has wronged me in several ways, almost lost me a lot of money and been incredibly selfish and rude. Worst of all, she considers herself the victim. A week ago I might have been willing to hear her perspective (I’m certainly no angel) but she really has behaved appallingly and been willing to sacrifice everything I hold dear, and I never want to see or speak to her again. But what do I do about our mutual friends?

Our friendship group is quite small, and mostly involves us hanging out in my friend’s flat. There’s usually a lot of booze involved, which is fun until you have no inhibitions and are really angry (we’ve had fights at these before). I don’t want to poison my friends against her because that seems unnecessarily bitchy, but I can’t emphasise how much I never want to see her or speak to her again. 

Is there any way I can keep the friends who value me without giving them a ‘me or her’ ultimatum?

This question has been edited for length. 

Got a question for Viv? Email her at The Dear Viv podcast airs weekly on The Pool at 5pm on Tuesdays. All letters will be edited for length. Unfortunately Viv cannot reply to your emails personally. 

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