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Pantry porn is a thing, people

Pass the smelling salts, says Lucy Dunn

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By Lucy Dunn on

DROP EVERYTHING – a risqué new craze is currently sweeping the country! According to interiors platform Houzz, we are currently witnessing a huge spike in people searching for larders, in what is being saucily dubbed “pantry porn”!

Ooh, er, missus.

Apparently, Houzz has witnessed a spike in people searching for larders and posting pictures of their well-organised cupboards online – and it’s “all down to Great British Bake Off” (although I can’t quite fathom why). Kirstie Allsopp loves a larder (hmm), but then so does Nigella, and if the high priestess of food – at whose altar I worship every day of my life – has one in her kitchen, then I am on board with this trend. Although, I imagine hers to be less Cath Kidston and more packed to the ceiling with tasty little morsels for midnight snacks and lots and lots of posh dark chocolate.  

Alas, my kitchen is the size of a pea and not big enough for a pantry or larder. That said, if I had somewhere I could alphabetise my herb collection, store them in vintage Kilner jars and while away an afternoon making my own chic little handmade labels, you know like Gwynnie below, I’d be a happy woman. I could even get some little raffia baskets to complete the look, too. #pantrygoals. I know, humour me.

By the way, if you’re pondering the difference between a larder and a pantry, apparently a larder is just somewhere where food is stored, whereas a pantry is a room in which food, as well as silverware, crockery, pans etc, is kept, live-in butler, optional. Since I have spent the whole of my adult life wishing I owned any kind of room that I could use for solely throwing crap into and closing the door on, I would happily choose either.

I have bought at least three tubs of curry powder and two jars of strawberry jam in the last month, all of which have been mysteriously sucked up into the vortex of my kitchen black hole

Jesting aside, it probably would be a good idea to set aside some time to organise my cupboards. I know for a fact I have bought at least three tubs of curry powder and two jars of strawberry jam in the last month, all of which have been mysteriously sucked up into the vortex of my kitchen black hole (or maybe someone suddenly likes strawberry curry in the house?). Perhaps then I could Instagram my super-efficient new storage system, too...

Or not, because, really – and more than a little begrudgingly – I have other things to do with my life than make labels. Colour-coding anything would be a laughably fruitless exercise in a houseful of boys. And any attempt at raffia baskets would be trashed in seconds during the bleary-eyed morning scrabble to be the first teenager to grab the Weetabix. Also, I would probably need to first have a clear-out of all the spices that date back to prehistoric times, the 20 packets of chia seeds (why?) that I seem to have collected over the years, the tinned lychees (again, why?) and also some very dusty Maggi spice packets my husband always insists on buying that I hate and never cook with. Maybe I would get as far as rooting out the colony of flour weevils that have more than likely set up home at the back of the cupboard… Or maybe not. I’m quite squeamish.

As always with these things, my solution is just to throw some money at the problem. So, if your cupboards are as chaotic as mine and you want to inject a bit more order, I’ve rounded up some of my favourite clutter-busters below. And, after you’ve done that, maybe see you on Instagram, flaunting your sexy storage pics? I’ll be there, along with Gwyneth and co. Check me out under my new hashtag: #come-hither-cupboards.

@luce29

THE TIDY CUPBOARD EDIT

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