I’ve been a huge fan of ridiculous earrings at Christmas ever since primary school. There is nothing funnier to a six-year-old child than a teacher in a pair of flashing, singing Christmas-tree earrings. This was back in the 80s – way before fancy Christmas jumpers were a thing. Today, my kids love nothing more than a flashing Rudolph nose on a festive knit, but me? I’ll stick to flashy earrings, thank you very much. Ice-breaking, argument-deterring, don’t-look-at-my-tired-eyes-for-God's-sake-distracting – there’s way more to bold earrings than you could ever imagine.
Firstly, earrings make excellent gifts. Pretty fail-safe, she says, fingers crossed. I recommend you check out the chandelier earrings at Accessorize and Next. Or, if you fancy being openly mocked by your family like me, buy some massive woolly ones, like I did last summer. Er, what’s wrong with wearing GINORMOUS woolly earrings on holiday anyway? Worn with a white sundress, I was simply making a statement with my ears, darling.
If a child, parent, auntie or grandad is about to kick off over, say, the Queen’s speech being turned off or the last roast potato, divert all conversation back to your distracting earrings
Secondly, while I’m in a list-making mood, on Christmas Day itself, if a child, parent, auntie or grandad is about to kick off over, say, the Queen’s speech being turned off or the last roast potato, divert all conversation back to your distracting earrings. I’m yet to try this on Christmas Day, but I did manage to halt an argument over what film to play on the iPad on holiday using said technique. Peppa Pig or the Lego Batman Movie? Who cares? Let’s all laugh at Mummy’s daft fashion earrings.
Thirdly, for anyone who, like me, suffers from social anxiety when faced with a room full of people, large earrings are an excellent conversation starter, especially when entering a room full of strangers. Your smile may feel nervous, but your earrings say BIG BALLS OF STEEL. I’ve lost count of the times both men and women have made a comment on my borderline-ridiculous earrings. As an opening line, there are worse places you could go. So, go on, tuck your hair behind your ears and whack on a pair of big, beautiful baubles.
And speaking of big baubles, fourthly, and lastly, something bright near the face can actually bring Christmas cheer to any woman suffering from “I’m so ova Christmas” syndrome. Ho, ho, ho, it doesn’t end there! Something bright and glitzy worn near the face can magic the most love-worn jumper into a snazzy, Christmassy outfit. My favourite outfits are always those with a perfect balance of high meets low. Not too dressed up, not too shabby, but somewhere in between – a round-neck jumper worn with big earrings could be the perfect thing you were looking for to wear to that low-key Christmas drinks at the neighbour’s house. Can’t be bothered to wash your hair? Worry not, no one will notice, not with earrings that big! Ready to party like Bet Lynch? Grab your leopard-print coat, love. It’s time to get your Christmas game face on.