Some people get a sore throat. Some get a knot in their stomach. When I get stressed, I get a stye the size of a Home County in my left eye. It starts as a twinge, gravitates to a significant ouch and, before you know it, I’ve got an angry, red golfball for an eyeball, which is throbbing as I type. Under normal circumstances, this is an annoying inconvenience. However, when you have to get up on stage in front of 150 people this evening, this is a crisis. Help!
It is times like these – when you feel like you’ve been scraped off the bottom of a shoe (and, believe me, there have been many) – that call for the big guns. And, by this, I mean Chanel. Not a bag, obviously (although that would be nice) – a lipstick will do the trick. Specifically, the new Rouge Allure lipsticks from the Numérous Rouges collection. Launched just this month, they comes in four sexy shades of red and two textures: shine and velvet.
Firstly, let’s talk about the packaging: red, gold and luxuriously lacquered. Just the act of taking the tube out of your handbag makes you feel like you’re a chic French Vanessa Paradis in a glossy make-up advert. (Not a knackered Englishwoman in the office toilets, despairing over her pig-stye eye, which I swear has grown bigger and – oh – did I mention there’d be pictures tonight?!)
Then there is the lipstick itself – soft, velvety and intense. It glides on to your lips, giving a hit of red in one satisfying stroke. The smooth, oval bullet skirts your Cupid’s bow and lip line with precision, leaving a crisp edge without need for faffy brushes. And the formula is long-lasting, withstanding the necking of a gin-in-a-tin (medicinal purposes). What heaven.
For added oomph, I’ve layered my lipstick (number 3 – a velvety red/brown) with the new Rouge Coco gloss in 784 (£26), dawbing a little on my top lip and in the centre of my bottom one. The result, I have to say, is pretty magnificent – so much so I am hoping no one will notice the eye. Wish me luck.